I’m making you let me go, my love.
You were my everything and I morphed into everything you wanted me to be and lost myself in the process.
When I told you how I felt, you blamed me. You were angry with me for my feelings.
You spit in my face, called me every name in the book, exploded on me for tiny things, a pot thrown at my head missing by inches while our newborn was in my arms.
Go fucking die, you cunt.
When it was my family, we moved.
When it was the drinking, I quit.
When it was my friends, they stopped getting calls.
When it was my flirting, I stopped laughing.
When it was my intent, I stopped having ambitions.
But then I feel free when you aren’t around me. I feel the spark within me light up and the weight on my shoulders lift. I feel like I can breathe and maybe find myself.
People laugh at my jokes. I matter.
The cycle must end. I will show our kids I’m worthy of being treated with kindness and respect.
You’ve taken the best years of my life and I don’t regret one thing except the fact that I let you steal my lightness for as long as I did.
I will land on my feet as I always do and I will be smarter and stronger for the next chapter.
Written after leaving the house. Cut from How Wildflowers Grow.